Tommy Concrete and the Werewolves live at Studio 24 Edinburgh November 2014 album launch for This Can't Get Any Worse

It's always nice to have a gigantic intimidating skinhead in a Status Quo Blue for You shirt playing a solo on a beer bottle as you play your guitar. If this is an experience you are not familiar with then I suggest you try it out immediately. This was quite good, more often than not the wha-wha pedal controls your own facial expressions, occasionally it controls the facial expressions of audience members. In this instance, the wha-wha pedal was in charge of us both. In case you didn't already know, this particular old-school giant is Matt who plays bass for Mastiff and Shitball.

Some reasons why nobody came to see your gig

Concrete Head @ Bridlington Leisure World 1995, only another 2000 people and we would have filled the place, sometimes it's not that nobody came, it's that you were over optimistic when choosing a venue.

I have read a few of these sort of blogs of late, largely because a few of my friends have finally lost the plot and started to promote extreme metal gigs, and ultimately lost money on ninety nine percent of them, thus resulting in them getting pissed of and posting comments on social media about apathetic audiences, or posting blogs posts not dissimilar to this one. So here is my two pence worth of hints, advice, insults and facts on the subject.

First of all, in all honesty, I wish your band would split up and fuck off. If I could fast forward your bands career to the part when you sell your equipment to buy a washing machine for your ambitionless baby machine wife then I would. More gigs for me. Or as a compromise you could start a wedding band and play polite quiet gigs of pop crap to knobheads, great. More gigs for me.

George Corcoran Custom Flying-V

Onstage with Jackal-Headed Guard of the Dead at Bannermans Bar Edinburgh December 2012. The debut appearance of the V

A whole bunch of my mates did the best thing ever and put money together to get George Corcoran to build me a custom guitar for my 40th birthday and I got it today and it is bloody brilliant. I had no idea it was being made and laughed when I saw it because it was exactly what I wanted. Over the previous couple of months the CIA had been tapping my phone and various SAS and Taliban operatives used hypnosis, surveillance, telepathy and subterfuge to secretly discover what my dream guitar would be, by asking me, and me being a trusting sort didn't twig... Anyway thanks to all the skulls who chipped in and to George for making it!!!

Customised Yamaha Pacifica

 With The Exploited at Cieszanów Rock Festiwal Poland 2012

Peroxide Hell started its life as a basic pleasure model, as in a Yamaha Pacifica. A perfectly good guitar and not only because they are cheap. Somewhere down the line somebody decided to stick a Seymour Duncan SH11 humbucker pickup in the bridge position. Even further down the line I was given it as a present from those nice folk at Grassworks studios where I did some vocals on my Banished From The Mages Guild album. I then gave it to George Corcoran of George Corcoran guitars who sprayed it black, refretted it with stainless steel frets, shoved a khaler trem on it, rammed an Iron Gear Steamhammer pickup in the middle position, slammed an Iron Gear Rolling Mill pickup in the bridge, crafted a wood scratchplate, put grover tuners on it, new nut and wrote my name on it. It sounds great and plays great studio rehearsal and live.